I talk about my brain more than I talk about what music I listen to. Mental health is so complex and fascinating to me. I believe if we don’t normalize the conversation, the stigma will never end.

Here I am: a young and healthy mother who enjoys being outdoors, hanging with friends and socializing. I have an incredible community of people around me. I have a house, a car and loved ones. I earn enough money to make ends meet. I laugh. I’m often smiling or telling jokes. I have a lot of friends and get along well with most people. I appear to have the recipe for a near perfect life. Near perfect.

But, sometimes, when the low is in the depths of cold stone, the depression creeps in unannounced and there’s a voice in my brain that encourages me to end my life. When I wake up I have to consciously choose to live, on my own accord. It is an indescribable sadness one can only feel, and it makes my heart beat slow as if numb. My body feels physical sadness.

This mental illness of mine is result from experiencing an adverse childhood.

I have been surviving with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. It is something that I have never lived without. I spent a lot of my youth and young adulthood feeling ashamed, often labelled and bullied as “sensitive, needy, too emotional, or seeking attention”. For years I wondered, What the hell was wrong with me?

The Canadian Mental Health Association suggests that 1 in every 5 Canadians will experience a mental health problem or illness. Mental health does not discriminate, it is inclusive for all people. So why can’t we talk about it like we talk about the rest of our body health? When did perfection become trendy?

Even though our society is shifting in terms of support for mental health, I’m still coming into contact with others who say they are inspired by me. I can feel their own shame as they say:

“I could never share my story the way you share yours.”

“I love how raw and real your journey is. It makes me feel like I’m normal”

“Thank you. I’ve struggled too, but I’m too shy to share.”

“You’ve opened up a safe space to talk”

So, I can’t stop now, I’ve opened the doors to healing.

I had an idea: Do you want to experience depression in the eyes of an old souled millennial? This will parallel a social media fitness journey. I’ll post what ever I feel pertains to my mental health- everything, and share it with the world. I’m excited to showcase what my mental health journey looks like, since I believe society has a different view.

Sounds exhilarating, right? Not at all, actually, though I am feeling inspired and motivated to publish this. I’m just a normal human, with a really great smile.